And so it begins….

And so it begins….

There are really 2 monumentous birthdays in our lives. The first is when we turn 21.

When I turned 21 it was fucking EPIC! EPIC!!! All my friends got together. We got totally dressed up, rented a party bus and hit the clubs. HARD! We drank, we danced, we shook our tiny asses and didn’t need a push up bra. Life was easy, it was carefree. We just kind of rolled with anything. There were no worries.

Then there is our 40th birthday. Mine, was pretty uneventful. It was more of a slap in the face, reality check. There was no recovering from a hangover for the next week, or squeezing into skinny jeans. Instead I realized that I wasn’t in my 20’s anymore. My hips were wider, boobs droopier, I was going backwards in my career, had no savings and had a ton of worry in my life.

Welcome to my 40’s right?

Now, I don’t want to relive the 20’s – been there, done that. But the 40’s are new territory. The realization that A: I am now officially IN my 40’s (41 to be exact) is like a dose of cold water and B: the fact that I am no where near where I thought I would be career wise, C: not exactly the owner of the best financial portfolio, and D: going through what is now my understanding of peri-menopause and battling thyroid issues (meaning a whole bunch of headaches) – I am honestly left wondering where the fuck did my life go.

So – here is my blog. Where I will share my journey of self care, battling mood swings, changing careers, going back to school and trying to figure how to navigate this new phase of life.

Just to warn you – the language might be a little rough sometimes, topics might be a little sensitive. My journey is not the same as yours, but maybe some things I am going through are similar. Maybe, just maybe by sharing what we go through, we can help one another feel braver and empowered to take our lives back.

So ladies – welcome.

-Zephyr Linn

I am way to young to feel like this…

I am way to young to feel like this…

This was exactly what I said to my doctor, as I broke down in her office. I mean, here I am 41 years old and I feel hopeless. So unhappy, I just cry all the time. Depressed, walking around like I am in a fog every day.

This can’t be what 41 years old feels like. Because if it is, than fuck this.

For 9 months I had been missing. Not me physically, but the woman I was, had disappeared. The bubbly personality that people had gotten to know, was no where to be found. I cried all the time. Had horrible mood swings. I lashed out at my family, made their lives not happy. I couldn’t have a clear thought to save my life, and honestly thought about driving to the airport, buying a plane ticket and disappearing.

Which is crazy. I mean, I have a great husband, my children are healthy, we have a roof over our heads. We have the same problems a lot of people have. Finances, time, intimacy, you name it. But, we don’t have anything major. No life and death situations.

So, why am I lost. Why do I find myself staring out the window, not able to move sometimes. Why does life feel like it is to much? Am I depressed? Do I need a therapist? Am I just not happy? This list goes on, that ran through my head.

What is wrong with me?

I knew that I didn’t want to take anti-depressants. Not that a lot of people haven’t found success with them, I just wanted that to be the last thing I did. Instead, I wanted to know what was happening in my body. Is it a horomonal thing? Diet? Thyroid? Or just age, and I had to suck it up?

So I found someone. Someone who hugged me, prayed with me and told me I was not alone. That 40 should be fabulous. She, a medical doctor, who practices alternative medicine, heard what I was saying. Saw passed the tears and frustration, and helped me to see that the person I am, was still there and we were going to find her.

It has been only 4 weeks, and for the first time in months the sky is blue. The sun is bright. My life is okay. My thoughts are clear. And although there are things in my life, my business and more that I need to make some decisions on, I suddenly feel that I can. I am once again optimistic, happy, excited to take on the challenges that I am facing.

So, how do you thank someone for giving you “YOU” back?

Ladies – perimenopause and thyroid issues, along with deficiency in things like iron, magnesium and Vitamin D can make the women we are, disappear. Don’t wait. Don’t think its all in your head. Talk to each other. Share stores. Get the right kind of help. Because our 40’s should be fabulous!

Hit me back with questions!

-Sina